The bubbles that didn't burst
Mindful Scribbling #2
I have fantastic news, but first let me ask you this: How do you react to good news--not about others, but about yourself? Good news about others is easy; I'm all whooping and congratulating. I seem often to meet good news about myself with shock and disbelief. It's like my brain just turns off for a few seconds, sort of the way the cable box reboots after a momentary power outage.
That's what happened this morning when I got the email notification that my artwork was selected by the jury to be included in Quilt National 2023. First it was shock, then disbelief, then re-reading the email THREE times to make certain it said "Congratulations" and not "Regrets", and finally walking upstairs to find Dan to say in a small voice, "I got in." I had a similar reaction last month when I got the notice that another piece in the same series (Mindful Scribbling) was accepted into Quilts=Art=Quilts 2022. These two art quilt shows are easily among the most sought after in North America, and I’d venture to say, given the international draw of applicants, the world. It’s a thrill and and honor to be included in either, not to mention both.
As I write about this I'm realizing that part of my shock comes from the magnitude of the thing, but another part comes from the hope that I’ve carried in my heart in the months since I submitted my applications. It’s always the same; I mark the expected announcement date on the calendar (the way a group facilitator uses a flip chart “parking lot”) to get the idea out my head so I can move on to the next thing while the jurors or curator do their work.
That hope seems like a soap bubble—so fragile that a sideways glance or a breeze will pop it. This time my bubble (bubbleS!) didn’t burst. But, they certainly have in the past, and they will again in the future. It’s the nature of subjective work. I alway give myself some version of the same pep talk when I don’t make the cut. “The jury was looking for something else.” “It’s not a condemnation; it’s one show.” But there’s alway the other voice—and it’s a loud one—”Why NOT me?” and “What did I do wrong?”. It’s the dark side of seeking public exhibition of your artwork. Sometimes the answer is “No”.
And so, to all who have received shockingly good news about a personal achievement, I hope that you can close you eyes for a moment and feel all of the good feelings. For those dealing with a disappointment, I know from personal experience—which I will have again—that disappointment comes from an unfulfilled hope, and that deserves a bit of grieving. This feels like a dark moment, but you are not alone.
May the road ahead be filled with a healthy balance of success and disappointment, each giving us perspective and appreciation for the other.